0032. i'm too tired to think of a song lyric

When we got home last night, we found that Ditto was still peeing on the floor in the bathroom, as well as in the kitchen.... in the kitchen. I'm not really ok with him peeing in the bathroom because it's gross, but it's been happening for so long that I've basically resigned myself to it. It's gross, but I hit it with some bleach and it's gone.

But peeing in the kitchen? OH HELL NO. I cannot and will not resign myself to that shit. It's disgusting, it's unsanitary, and it's just plain wrong!

What's worse is that he's still peeing blood. Yesterday it was really bad and seems to have tapered off a bit today, but it's still bloody and again: that's gross. So PK told me to call the vet and see what to do. Of course, they say "Bring him in!!" because apparently that means he's getting ready to block up again. I fail to see how him leaking everywhere means he's going to block up, but that's beside the point.

I can't stop thinking (or talking) about this stupid cat situation. It's destroying my freaking life!! I've talked to one of the guys in the counseling office about it, plus my Film & Lit professor (who noticed I was looking down today & asked me what was wrong - big mistake, I vented all over him), my boss, my mother, and everyone else who comes into the office.

This is fucking ridiculous. I shouldn't be this preoccupied with this stupid cat and I definitely shouldn't burst into tears when the vet tells me to bring the fucker in.

I called my psychiatrist because the bursting into tears part was a little alarming. She said that the bloodwork I had done last week to check my Lithium levels wasn't showing up in the computer so I need to come in tomorrow for more freaking bloodwork but she also wants to see me. At this point, I know I need it, so I'm not going to bitch about going to the psychiatrist.

0027. all my agony fades away when you hold me in your embrace

iTunes: "All I Need" - Within Temptation

Mood: happy

I know it's been a while since I've posted. There are plenty of good reasons for it, namely that I've been working and doing the school thing. Monkey got sick for a while and she took up pretty much all my time & energy (the flu is bad enough, but when it's a 5 year old that's sick... it's awful). My internet had all sorts of issues and I was without internet for a week or so. But mostly, I was too busy with the whole wedded bliss thing.

Yup, you read that right. PK & I got married!

Technically. We filed a Declaration of Informal Marriage, which is common-law marriage. But in Texas, it's as legal as going in front of a judge or a priest, so we're as married as married can get. I hyphenated my last name and we now refer to each other as "husband" and "wife" because we're silly like that.

HAPPY TIMES!!

Speaking of happy times... I've been battling with pretty severe depression for almost my entire life. I've talked about it on the Twitloss blog a lot because it deals with health and weight loss issues, but basically - I'm bipolar. It's not as severe as some other people I know, but it's enough that it does affect me and those around me. It got to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore, and I finally broke down and went to Mental Health at the VA (something I put off for 2 years because I was so certain I could handle it).

Turns out, asking for help with something doesn't make you weak, and being bipolar doesn't make you crazy. Amazing, the stuff you learn when you reach out...

Anyway. They put me on some meds to help level my moods out. In the 5 weeks or so I've been on it, I've been sleeping better, I haven't been crying or screaming nearly as much, and I'm generally happier. The one issue I have with it is that I"m hungry all the time. And it's really hard to resist grabbing the puffy Cheetos (which I'm craving BIG TIME). I drink a TON of water because the meds dehydrate me, but also because it helps to curb my appetite... kind of.

I'm secretly terrified that I'm going to gain all the weight I lost back, but as of the last doctor's appointment, I've only gained 1 pound back, and that was during Girl Time, so I'm attributing that pound to water retention.

I've cleaned up the house and it looks nearly model-like again. I just need to get the boxes out of the corner and see about setting up that damned elliptical. I need to jump on it & get the remaining 40 pounds off. If we're going to Italy in the summer, I don't want to look like a beached whale when we hit the private pool at the villa.

Oh, did I forget to mention that part?

We're going to ITALY for TWO WEEKS this summer!!!! We're going with PK's family and a few very close family friends. Monkey's staying home with Nana, so it'll kinda be like a honeymoon. At some point, PK's hoping to take me to Rome for a day or two, just us. I can't wait!!

And in other good news (I'm full of it today, aren't I?) I've been elected president of my college's creative writing club. Kind of exciting, but at the same time kind of scary since I don't know the first thing about running an extra curricular club. But I'm sure it'll be a blast either way.

Guess I'd better get to work. Or pretending to work. :)