0007. you fall away from your past but it's following you

iTunes: The Fray - Fall away
Mood: Tired, but happy

Monkey's first day of Kindergarten was today. When I went to wake her up this morning, she was resistant at first (even grunting at me when I told her it was time to get up), but when I told her it was time to go to her big girl school, she jumped right out of bed and ran to the shower so she could have her hair all nice & curly for her first day of big girl school.

I got her to school early (which is kind of a first for me, since I'm chronically late for everything) and we sat in the parking lot for a minute while I did my makeup and she bounced up and down in the backseat asking if it was time to go inside yet and if she could raid her Tinkerbell lunchkit because she was "starving for cookies". When it was finally time, I took her picture at the entrance of the school and we made our way to her class.

The minute we saw her teacher, she turned into the shy kid she was pretending to be last Friday when I took her to meet her teacher (She actually screamed when the principal tried to get down on his knee -so he was at her level- and shake her hand last week). I took her into the classroom, showed her where she stowed her lunchkit and grabbed her nametag. The kids have to wear a badge with their name and picture on it kind of like I have to at work or the highschool kids do...

To be honest, that kind of weirded me out and made me feel safer at the same time. At least I know that there won't be any random people walking around the school without someone going "Hey, where's your badge and have you checked in at the front office" now. Though... a 5 year old running around a school? Kind of makes me wonder what kind of kidnapper/terrorist they're expecting. I know, I'm a paranoid freak.

Anyway. We got her situated, and she chose to sit in front of a pink jar of play dough at the green table (I don't know why that was significant) and I took more pictures. Then, she fave me the look. You know, the "are you really leaving me here alone?" look.


This is the part where I started crying.

I gave her a big hug and a kiss (ok, several), and made myself leave. I knew that if I didn't leave right at that point, I was going to grab her up and take her with me. But I know that I've got to let my baby girl grow up at some point, and since there's not much I can do about her being 5 and ready for Kindergarten, I sort of have to now. I don't like it, but I'm accepting it. Sort of.
I just keep remembering when I first had her... she was so tiny and small and helpless. totally dependent on me. And now I'm taking her to Kindergarten... I know I've got 12 more years of this stuff, but it feels like I'll be watching her graduate from high school next week. I mean, it sure as hell feels like I just found out I was pregnant with her yesterday, and that was almost 6 years ago!
I know, this is something that every mother goes through. Doesn't make it any easier to watch my little girl start to grow into her own little person. She's got such fire and personality in her. She's truly the best thing that I have ever done in my life, and the best thing to ever happen to me.

I need to go give her a squeeze now, even though it's way past her bed time. Just one little squeeze. She won't even wake up. No, really. I sneak in there for cuddles all the time. She sleeps like a log, but I still get my sleepy baby cuddles.

In other, non mommy-stalker news.... (LOL)

Work went pretty good today. We were busy as hell because it's the last day for registration, but I kept my cool and was level-headed. Even when I was the only work study up there and when my boss had to leave for an hour. I got more than a few compliments on how sweet/nice/polite/professional I was when people were leaving the office. I just think about all the times that I've had to go up there and deal with the unprofessional rude jackasses before (not necessarily in my office - there are other offices around there that I hate going to specifically), and I don't want people walking out of there with a bad taste in their mouths.

So, yeah. Work is going pretty good. It's kind of stressful, but I think I take a lot of that stress onto myself. I only have to work 25 hours a week, but I've already put in more than 80 in the 2 weeks and 1 day that I've been there.

I really enjoy working again, if I want to be completely honest. I don't like the feeling of having nothing to do. And even with all the schoolwork I know I'm going to have, I know that if I need the time off to study, I can take it. I know that if things get too crazy around the house (read: I slack off so much on the housework that it looks like a tornado hit the interior), I can take a day off and clean.

But right now, I don't have to. I'm stacking up hours so that I can take 2 days off during September when PK takes me to New York and still get paid for them. Not to mention the 3 days we'll have off for Thanksgiving, and the nearly 2 weeks we'll have off for Christmas. WOO!

It's late and I'm getting tired. Well, I guess I should say MORE tired, because I've been tired since before I got home. I had every intention of making dinner and going to bed tonight. But the food I made was good, and then PK wanted to watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (he fell asleep on the couch about 20 minutes before the end of it). Now, it's getting ready to storm and I'm getting ready to go listen to it.

Good night all. Sweet dreams and all that stuff.