0016. we always find things we've never seen before...

iTunes: nada - Monkey's watching Backyardigans on TV
mood: tired & irritated

I have one more paper to write for my Medical Terminology class, which I can turn in early so I plan on doing that just to get the class out of the way. I have one more test in my Government class (but no idea when that will be since the professor isn't exactly big on the whole communication thing), and two more for my Texas History class (which I love and wish would never end). I'm ready for this semester to be over! I can't imagine what it's going to be like when I finally get into nursing school!

I’m tired and stressed and that doesn’t exactly equal for happy MK. I have an hour to get to class and 2 ½ hours until I have to go to work. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to deal with the newbie who gets pissy because he’s not used to working anymore. I’m sorry, but you were a freaking Sgt in the Marines. If you’re not used to work, then you must’ve sucked a lot of dick to get to E5. I don’t care if you haven’t worked since you got out – Marines work hard. End of story. So for you to get all whiny and pissy when someone tells you to freaking go take some envelopes to the post office is beyond ridiculous and you should be strung up and whipped with a wet noodle for being such a bitch about it. Jesus fucking Christ. Grow the fuck up. You’re 27 years old and you act like you’re a child. My daughter knows more about responsibility and doing what you’re told and she’s FIVE!

Sorry, I had to vent that for a minute. I just want to take the day off of work, take a nap, and ignore the urge to pull my fingernails out by the roots rather than deal with dipshits and asshats. This is why I’m not good at customer service (and I’m going into nursing??)

Speaking of... I’ve been seriously re-thinking going into nursing as my history class progresses. I love my history class. I love history. So why am I going into a field where I’m not sure I want to be instead of going into a field where I can do what I love? Mostly because of money. The GI Bill requires that I follow a certain degree plan once I’ve chosen it. And if I change from pre-health to history, most of the classes I’ve taken in preparation for the nursing program won’t fit, and the GI Bill won’t be able to pay for the other classes that are required for a history degree. Also, nurses make WAY more money than history teachers do, even though high school teachers make around $50,000 a year to start in the Houston area. So, I’m stuck prepping for and heading into the nursing program. Which, let me be honest, isn’t exactly my cuppa right now.

Whine, whine, whine. Now I’m the whiner. I really do need a vacation.

0004. it ended just like a movie scene & i had to play a part

iTunes: Josh Gracin - Telluride
Mood: irritated

I served in the United States Navy for 6 years. In that time, I hurt both my ankles, both my knees, my back, my rotator cuff on my right shoulder, my neck, lost hearing in both ears, have a high-pitched ringing in both ears that will not ever go away, developed severe migraines, and battled severe depression (which was later diagnosed as mild bipolar disorder). I am 70% disabled, but still able to work. Even if I were 100% disabled (through the military), I'd probably still have to work.

What you don't know is that even on 100% disability, it is not enough to survive. At 70% disability with a dependent, I get $1398 a month. I have a house, a car, electricity, cable/internet, daycare, food, gas, car insurance, etc... Now, I can cut off the cable/internet and just read, but that is literally my only source of entertainment these days. We don't go to the movies, we don't go out of town, we very rarely go out to dinner, etc.

I go to school full time on the GI Bill. I opted for the Post 9/11 version because it gives me housing allowance - which allows me to go to school full time (when combined with my disability) and not have to work while I go to school. This won't last forever. In fact, I only have 24 months left on my GI Bill. There are 24 months in the nursing program, but I won't get to apply for it until September. I'm going to school this Fall. That means my GI Bill will run out 6 months before I finish the nursing program -- if I get accepted the first time around and if I pass all my classes.

I've had a few people tell me they think it's "bullshit" that I get free money for the rest of my life because I got "a little hurt" in the military - because obviously if I'm still able to work, it must "not be that bad". I've had a few people tell me that it's "bullshit" that I get to go to school and not have to work because I get a housing allowance.

Allow me to tell those people to FUCK THE ENTIRE HELL OFF.

I paid for my disability check with my body. I ache every. single. day. I have a handicapped parking placard because it physically hurts me to walk some days. When I'm having a good day, I park in the back and walk. Why? Because I can. On the days when my knees aren't killing me, I enjoy the ability to walk through a parking lot. The fact that I'm still able to work (even up to 100% disability - through the VA) is a good thing. Why? Because they don't fucking pay me enough to make a living.

I paid for my GI Bill out of my own pocket. In order to receive it, you have to pay a certain amount each month while you're in the military. The rest is from taxes. Taxes I still had to pay while enlisted and I still have to pay today.

The idea that any of this is "free money" is fucking bullshit.

I paid for it with my body, my soul, and my freedom. I gave 6 years of my life to the military. I gave up time with my daughter. I gave up time with my sick mother. I gave up living in my hometown to go to a place I fucking hated.

I won't be getting the GI Bill check forever. I might not even get disability forever (if my conditions get better). I will, however, have pain in my knees for the rest of my life. I will have migraines. I will have issues with my shoulder (which will likely have to be rebuilt at some point in the future). So, no. It isn't "free money".