0043. how does it feel to be wrong fucking stupid for so long

So, I'm sure he meant this as a breakup song based on some of the lyrics, but as for the rest of the song? Totally fits today.

It was my last at work and the last day of the short summer semester, and it couldn't fucking come soon enough for my taste. I've been super stressed out lately (um, duh) and most of it has come from... you guessed it - work and school. Mostly school because this Algebra class has seriously KICKED MY ASS for some reason. Probably because I suck at math anyway and the teacher is a moron, but I digress. I'll retake the class, pass it, and pull my GPA back up where it's supposed to be.

Once I let go of the all the stress I was putting on myself with trying to pass the class, I was doing fine. I hated my job, but I was working in the back with BossLady and my new friend M and we got along great... until the night of the Jewelry Party. BossLady's 16 year old daughter let my 5 year old watch a zombie movie in the kid's room and of course I was NOT OK with that. I said something to the 16 year old, and BossLady was not okay with that (I'm condensing the story in case I've already told it).

Ever since then, BossLady will only speak to me if it's work-related, she gives me the cold shoulder, and I found out today that she gave the other work studies time off (WITH PAY) so that I would have to work out in the front so that I wouldn't have to be in the office alone with her while M was in class. I'm sorry, but how freaking childish is that??? I know I've mentioned before that BossLady likes to gossip and stuff, but I figured that was just her trying to stay on our level since she's so much older than us. Nope. She really is that immature. She asked M "How could you be friends with her" referring to me when M was texting me before I came into work the other day.

When I woke up this morning, I dreaded going to work. Seriously. My stomach hurt so bad that I could barely eat anything, and I have to eat or I can't take my meds. I ended up not taking them because I couldn't get anything down - I was too afraid I'd end up throwing it all back up. And even though I'm hugely relieved not to have to go back unless I have student-related stuff... but I'm also worried because she's the ONLY person there who certifies my attendance for the VA. If I don't get certified, I don't get paid. And with her attitude of late, I have to wonder if she will mess with my paperwork for next fall. She knows that I depend on my GI Bill money to survive financially. I'd hope that she wouldn't take food out of my child's mouth, but at this point I wouldn't put anything past her.

I'm going to have to put this blog on private for a while, I think. Or maybe just this post.

I'm so tired and so frustrated. I want to go to PK and cry, but if I told him about all this mess, he'd either tell me to suck it up (since he has to deal with multiple assholes like BL at his job on a daily basis) or he'd go punch the bitch in the face for making me cry and possibly threatening his family's financial stability. Probably option #2, since you don't fuck with his baby girl. Since I don't want him to go punch her in the face and ensure that she never certifies me again, I want to go lay my head in my mommy's lap and cry. Except oh wait, I can't do that either. She's on vacation in Florida and I have to go take care of her animals and water her plants (already did that today - I'm a good daughter). GODDAMNIT WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A HERMIT???