0066. 5 good things day 4

5 good things that happened today:

1. I got to spend the day with PK
2. I managed to finish reading a book
3. I started reading another
4. We have a fridge full of food
5. I GOT MY FIRST CONTRACT!

0065. 5 good things day 3

5 good things that happened today:

1. I had a good day at clinicals
2. Monkey and I went for a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood (got all the way to Kroger!)
3. I continued that walk by jogging for the first time in YEARS
4. Eclipse is on TV and PK isn't home yet
5. I'm in a good mood

0064. 5 good things day 2

5 good things that happened today:

1. I woke up to kisses from my little girl.
2. I got to have a conversation with one of my favorite authors (fangirl giddiness ensued)
3. I had a decent day in class, despite not wanting to be there.
4. My laundry is almost done! 2 more loads...
5. Dinner came out tasty... totally had my doubts. :) 

0063. 5 things: Day 1

I've been horribly down lately, and I emailed my friend Tibby, who I love and adore. She suggested that I start a "five things" journal. Since I haven't used this in a while, I figure that posting my Five Things would be a good move. Five Things is where I psot 5 good things about my day, every day. This is day 1.

1. I managed to get my house picked up.
2. I spent time with Monkey.
3. I made delicious hamburgers that were just a tad on the spicy side. PK loved them.
4. PK came home early and wants to spend time together.
5. I didn't have to go to clinicals today.

0062. universal healthcare

I don't talk politics or religion. These are the two most polarizing subjects on the planet, and we all know that I don't like confrontation. But PK made me watch the debate tonight, and I happened to be on twitter during that time, so I got to see everyone's responses. Sometimes it pissed me off because people are so clearly biased for one candidate or the other (which is expected - some people are hardline Dems and some are hardline Pubs, and it's hard to change someone's mind with regard to their political affiliation). Some of the things my friends were saying were so rude and against what I believe in, in my political affiliation.... which is funny because I've always sort of identified with both parties, but I digress.

A very large part of tonight's debate had to do with Obamacare (and apparently Obama has grown fond of the term). I've never really been fond of the idea of Obamacare. Granted, when it was first proposed, I was excited about the prospect of getting real healthare at hospitals other than the VA since my current health status prohibits me from getting covered under any private insurance policy. But the more I think about it, the more I realize what a BAD IDEA Obamacare really is.

Before you jump down my throat, let me explain.

Obamacare is universal healthcare. You can go to any doctor, any hospital, whatever, and get care because all insurance companies will be forced to cover EVERYONE. I'm not saying insurance companies covering everyone is a bad thing. Believe me, as someone who's been unable to be covered for the last 10 years by a private company, I think the concept is a good one. BUT I've also had to deal with the kind of care that we'll end up with under Obamacare for the last 10 years.

If you know nothing else about the military, you know that military medical is kind of a big fucking joke. I say this with my Twin being part of the military medical system. But it's true. You go to the doctor, and you get Ibuprofen for everything. Have a headache? 800mg Ibuprofen. Stomach pains? 800mg Ibuprofen. Cut off your arm? 800mg Ibuprofen.

We call it "Vitamin M" in the military. After my car accident last month, the doctor gave me 600mg Ibuprofen and I laughed in his face. Sorry dude, but this won't do shit for me. Not with how much Motrin I've taken over the past 10 years. But I don't want to look like I'm a drug seeker (which is possible these days, since the DEA is looking over everyone's shoulders so much that they won't even give my mom -who NEEDS pain medication to battle her chronic pancreatitis pain and the after effects of TWO botched surgeries..... that's an even longer story and will only serve to piss me off more if I get into it now) so rather than ask for something stronger than 600mg Ibuprofen, I just sit here and suffer through it.

Getting into the doctor either for the military or the VA has become such a process that most of us decide that we're just going to suffer through it. At Lackland, they had same day doctor appointments, but when the appointment line opened at 0800, the appointments for the day were usuallly all taken by 0803 since there were THAT MANY PEOPLE calling in. So the ER was always packed for stupid shit like a cold because they couldn't get in to see a doctor for antibiotics or Nasonex or whatever. At the VA, they don't do same day appointments by phone. You have to go to triage (which is in the ER) and wait for about 5-7 hours on average. Even when you DO have an appointment, you can pretty much guarantee that you're going to be at the VA all day because they're ALWAYS behind. Pack a lunch or make sure you've got money (the food there isn't awful, though I'd much rather have something I made myself at home) because going to the VA is a "process".

Do you honestly think that the American people are going to want to deal with this kind of system? Do you think they're going to want to be just another number? I know that not all civilian doctors are going to be as awesome as my daughter's pediatrician, who sits with us and talks with us about what's going on with her and genuinely cares about what happens to her. I know that they won't all be like my mom's AMAZING doctor, Mary, who kicks off her shoes in the office and talks to my mom for HOURS to make sure she understands her diagnosis, the side effects of whatever medication she's on, or generally just to see how my mom is doing. I'm not under the impression that either continuing or repealing Obamacare is going to make doctors into superstars of patient care. But I do think that it'll turn all healthcare into the bullshit I have to deal with at the VA, and I wouldn't wish that shit on my worst enemy's DOG. Going to the VA induces a panic attack for me. I hate the drive up there (and I only live 30 miles away... there are times when I go there that I meet people from other states since the Houston regional office is apparently the closest VA hospital to them), I hate all the waiting (my appointments usually run 30 minutes to 2 hours late), and I hate the fact that my doctors talk to their computer screens more than they talk to me.

Is Obamacare a good idea? In theory. But I don't think it's going to work. Ou healthcare system is going to be flushed down the toilet and go swirling.

0061. it turns out I am my mother's daughter

My grandmother used to tell me a story about how my mom would call her sobbing because something happened to someone. My mom would be crying so hysterically that Grams was certain something had happened to my dad (this was before they got divorced, obviously). When she finally got my mom to calm down enough so that she could understand what Mom was saying, she asked "Who the hell are you talking about?" to which my mom would tearfully shout at Grams "Pay attention! It's Luke and Laura from General Hospital!" (or something to that effect) Of course, my Grams would get frustrated and hang up the phone with a growl. Grams didn't watch soaps. Well, daytime soaps, anyway.

THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS ABOUT LAST SEASON'S GREY'S ANATOMY SEASON FINALE AND THIS SEASON'S PREMIERE. IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED YET, GO HERE AND WATCH NOW.

I've always been a pretty emotional person. I told someone the other day on Twitter... or Facebook... I can't really remember which social platform it was. I'm on so many. *G* Anyway, I said that the first 5 seasons of Grey's Anatomy were so depressing that I actually wanted to jump off a cliff when I was watching. Especially when Meredith drowned. Jimminy Christmas, that was depressing. But now that Meredith and Derek are all happily married and stuff, the show's gotten better.

Sort of.

Lexie died in last season's finale. And of course, I cried. But when I finally managed to watch this week's season premiere, I found myself hysterically sobbing. If my Grams had been alive, I probably would have called her just so she could grunt and hang up on me too. For old times' sake, ya know? Watching them pull the plug on Mark Sloan just about killed me. Yes, he gets to be with Lexie, but he died. And that fucking sucks.

I know that he's not real, but I have to let it out so bear with me.

I have a lot going on in my life. School, family, etc. So, I watch these shows (and read these books) to let myself forget about everything that's going on. It's like stress relief, despite the fact that I get overly attached to the characters. I get to be involved in someone else's drama for a while, and I'm happier for it. That's pretty much how I feel about books too. And one of the reasons that I love trilogies and series so much. Because I get invested in characters and I get to see what happens "after the sunset", as it were.

So, after I finished sobbing my eyes out, I decided I'd go ahead and watch the last two episodes of Saving Hope online, since NBC was retarded and pulled the plug on a fantastic show. I figured it'd be good, since I knew that Charlie was going to wake up. How much could do wrong?

You know when that sentence is said, it only spells doom for the person saying it, right?

So here I am, crying again over a fictional character. I'd say that I need help, but this is my own form of therapy. I don't cry much in my real life. I don't like showing any kind of weakness. I've always had to be the "strong" one. And I hate being the "strong" one. I'm not strong. But since I stepped into that role without realizing it at three years old, I'm pretty much stuck in that role. Crying over these pretend people is cathartic to me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the seasons premiere of Once Upon A Time is tonight and I need to stock up on Kleenex.

0060. Is it August 2013 yet?

So. I'm watching/reading some college commencement speeches after seeing a tweet saying something like "Sorry kids, you're not special." (I tend to look at the more controversial tweets for some reason. Call me crazy?)

There were links to other commencement speeches given by other people. One of them was one by Steve Jobs at Stanford in 2005. Here's part of it:

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to Heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition ... Stay hungry, Stay foolish."

"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick," said Jobs. "Don't lose faith."

Why am I looking through commencement speeches when I don't graduate until August of 2013? Mostly because I wanted to know what the guy who was telling the kids they weren't special was saying (and I agree with him... to a point... for his full speech, check out the YouTube video below) but I also am fairly desperate to see my own commencement speech. I've been in school since summer of 2009. I still haven't received my Associate's degree, not for lack of trying, that's for sure. No, I have enough credits to have my AA in General Studies. But I refuse to apply for an AA in General Studies when I'm going for my degree in Medical Imaging. And even though I still have a year left and I'm so burned out that I dread going to school every day, I AM DETERMINED TO FINISH.

It's getting late, and for once I don't have to stay up all night studying or doing laundry for tomorrow. I'm going to lay down and hope that I fall asleep quickly. Insomnia has set in lately and I'm not a fan of being exhausted during the day.