0010. it's so hot and i need some air

I posted over at the Twitloss blog today, and kind of went way off in the other direction of what I usually post. Why? Because I've got heavy stuff on my mind and I had something to say.

My friend, who I'll call Smith (he works with PK as a locksmith) was diagnosed with cancer a couple months ago and underwent brain surgery to remove a tumor on the 1st of this month. He is not the first person I've met with cancer... I actually shared a womb with someone who had cancer.

My twin was diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma when we were 3 years old and spent the next year at Texas Children's Hospital. I lived with my maternal grandparents at the time, because my parents were divorced and my mom was living at the hospital with Twin. He's been in remission and "cancer free" for the past 24 years (praise God and hallelujah!), but he's just the first in a long line of people that I know who have had cancer:

• maternal grandmother (died)
• maternal grandfather (died)
• paternal grandmother (died)
• paternal grandfather (in remission)
• maternal aunt (died)
• maternal great aunt (died)
• paternal uncle (in remission)

This is just the list I can think of off the top of my head, and doesn't count the family members with skin cancer. That list should basically say "everyone on my mom's side of the family" because pretty much everyone has had something removed/burned off. This is why I'm terrified of the sun and have SPF in everything - makeup, lotion, lipstick, chapstick, etc.

This is also why I am super fucking paranoid about my health and my daughter's health. I don't want to take risks with either one of us. They used to make fun of me in the military for going to the doctor all the time, but because I have such a thoroughly documented medical record, I get 70% disability and free healthcare (for my service-connected disabilities) through the VA. My daughter didn't lose her hearing when her ear infections got so bad that they required surgery... twice. So yes, I fully advocate going to the doctor when you're sick and getting regular yearly physicals. That's actually how Smith was diagnosed - his doctor refused to refill his blood pressure medication without a full physical, and he found a lump on Smith's lymph nodes in his neck.

Smith is doing really well, and I'm happy to say that as of this morning, he was due to be released today. I know he's ready to be at home and to start the long road ahead of him (chemo and radiation). He's a strong person and a wonderful guy. I'm praying that the treatment works fast and that he's healed quickly.

Even though he's doing as well as he is, it was really hard for me to see him in the hospital last night. I'm not used to seeing Smith in any capacity other than having fun and living a full happy life. Add that to the fact that hospitals are kind of traumatizing for me (when people I care about are being treated... not when I'm working there - for those that are worried about my decision the be a nurse), and by the time I got home last night, I think I cried about 2 gallons AND I called almost everyone I know that smokes and begged them to quit (including my mother, my cousin, and PK).

PK's at rehearsal tonight, so I'm going to cuddle with Monkey for a little while, then I'm going to do some much-needed studying. Hopefully reading about Texas History, Government, and Medical Terminology will get my mind off of things. I'm pretty sure it'll put me to sleep. LOL.


iTunes: Britney Spears - Breathe on me
Mood: pensive & a little sad

0008. nothing about you is typical

iTunes: Britney Spears - Unusual You
Mood: irritated

We got a call at 1:00am saying that one of our friends had been involved in an accident. This friend has had his share of accidents, so I'm sorry to say that we weren't incredibly surprised. In fact, he's nearly killed PK twice in a matter of months. They were in such a bad accident that PK broke his chest. Yes. His chest. It's possible to do, I promise.

Our friend is ok, which also isn't much of a shock. He's never the one that gets hurt when he tears off in his suped up car. We're waiting on information about our other friend who was in the car. The last we heard, he was bleeding out of his ears and being taken to the hospital.

PK and I have been talking about the friend who was driving and have decided that Monkey will never ride in the car with him. Neither will I. PK is a grown man who is capable of making his own decisions, and sometimes he does get into the car with our friend, but he's always scared to do so... so most of the time, he insists that he (PK) drive instead. I've let my younger brother ride home with our friend a few times, but I'll be refusing that offer next time, despite the fact that they only live down the street from each other.

It's not that I don't like or trust our friend. I just don't trust his driving. He's reckless and doesn't care about anyone except himself. I'm very close to one of his daughters, and I'm terrified that I'm going to have to hold her while she cries when he kills himself or someone else.

PK has tried to talk to our friend. His parents have talked to him. His friends have talked to him. I don't think that me saying something would help if everyone else hasn't helped. This accident was minor, and apparently his car doesn't even have that much damage. But he and another friend spent the night in the hospital because of his recklessness and hotrodding. And he laughed about it this morning when he talked to PK! "Oh, I don't remember why the accident happened. But I do know that my car isn't really that messed up..." He doesn't remember having the accident, but he knows the exact damage done to his car? Sorry, I don't buy it. He just doesn't want to admit that he fucked up again and that he was being stupid and dangerous and could have killed someone.

He hasn't yet. But if he doesn't pull his shit together SOON I'm afraid that he will.