0058. I'm tired and irritated.

I've had so much going on in the past few weeks that I haven't had time to do much else besides... well, everything that I've had to do. School has been keeping me so busy that I want to cry. Literally. I have 4 exams when I get back from Spring Break next week. I had 1 exam the week before. I have exams at clinicals any time a good patient walks through the door and my fellow classmates don't snatch up the paperwork first. And it's ALWAYS LIKE THIS. It seems like the minute we're done with a round of exams, we're starting on another. I'm stressing so bad over school that my hair is starting to fall out (more of it is coming out while I'm in the shower than what I'm used to and it's kind of freaking me out, if I'm honest). I had my first fever blister in well over a year, which I only get when I'm stressed and/or not sleeping, so that should give you some idea of how things are going on the stress level.

And speaking of stress. I know PK doesn't like me talking about him online, but this is my personal journal, and this is where I go to vent. Surprisingly, this time I'm not actually venting about him, so much as because of him (if that makes sense?) He's been working his ass off. He goes in early and doesn't get home until after 8:00 most nights. There have been several nights that he's gotten home well after Monkey has gone to bed (at 8:30) and he usually goes immediately to bed himself because he's so exhausted. He's been working himself into the freaking ground, and I've slowly been getting more and more worried about him because on the rare occasion that he is home, all he ever wants to do is sleep. Which, don't get me wrong, I totally understand why. He's working hard. He's stressed because of everything he has to do at work (which I won't discuss here, because that's his business and not mine). I've been trying to get him to relax a little more, eat healthier, maybe even try to get up and walk (if not exercise outright), because he has a pre-existing heart condition. Even with that, it still didn't cross my mind that he'd call me while I was in class 2 weeks ago to tell me he that he thought he was having a heart attack and to come get him so that I could take him to the ER. I was all for calling an ambulance, but Mr Stubborn Ass decided he'd work for another hour or so and then drive his stupid ass home so that we could leave his car at the house. For that alone, I might have to beat him senseless. I finally managed to get him to the ER, and he ended up spending the entire weekend in the hospital. I somehow managed to not be in the room every time the doctor came in (usually getting Monkey from my mom's house so she could visit with her dad - the doctor kept really strange hours), so I never really got the straight facts on what was going on. PK has a way of hiding things from me so that I don't completely freak out. He won't outright admit it to me, but it was a minor heart attack. He's now taking steps to reduce stress (he's been coming home at 6:00 and we've actually been getting along better than ever), he's playing with Monkey outside, he's helping me fix up the house... But he's still got all this other stuff stressing him out and I don't know how to help him. I want to take all the outside stress in his life and just make it go away. If I have to see my husband in the hospital again because his stress level went through the roof and his heart couldn't handle it... well, I might end up going postal, because my stress level can't handle it. We just celebrated our one year anniversary. We're talking about the possibility of having a baby once I'm done with school. I'd like the chance for a few more anniversaries and maybe a babyKitty of our own.

And now that I've completely depressed myself. Let me rile myself back up for a minute before I run off to make dinner.

I've been busting my ass for the past three days to clean my house top to bottom, organizing every room in the house (including the rooms we haven't unpacked yet because PK has to build bookshelves for my library and office, as well as get a new desk since the one we currently have it TINY, and bring the bed over from the old condo/storage unit so that we can properly set up the guest bedroom, and put up shelves in Monkey's room and hang her TV on the wall so that she has more room to play), doing all the laundry, scrubbing bathrooms and the kitchen and whatever else I could find to scrub with BLEACH (it smells clean and fresh and all that) because it's Spring Break and my mom and 3 of my aunts were coming over either tomorrow or Friday for lunch. I finally got in touch with the aunt we all consider the "matriarch" of the family, and she tells me "Stop cleaning!" (I'd texted her to tell her I was cleaning up the house and I was going to head to the store later) Then she tells me that another one of my aunts doesn't want to come this week because her grandkids (who live with her) are on Spring Break, and she wants to wait to have lunch until they're back in school.... Except the only reason I'm able to have lunch with them in the first place is because I'm on Spring Break! Apparently they've all forgotten that I'm a full time student and in school ALL THE FREAKING TIME. And when I'm not in school, I'm at study group or at clinicals. And hello? Since when do I not have a kid with a room full of toys and a TV and a backyard and a front yard with other kids their age? I mean seriously! My mom knew I was cleaning the shit out of my house. My uncle knew I was cleaning the shit out of my house. My aunt surely knew, because I go insane every time she comes over (remember the part where she's the matriarch of our family?) but I haven't been able to talk to her because every time I call her she's unavailable and she never freaking calls me back!!! I'm irritated, and to be quite honest, I'm a little bit hurt.

I have to go make dinner for the Monkey now. She's bitching at me that she's starving, despite the fact that she's eaten almost everything I have in the pantry today. She must be hitting another growth spurt.