0039.

iTunes: None. I'm at work.
Mood: Lost/Confused


I'm... lost. Confused. Something. I don't know anymore. I want to work, I do. I hate being bored. But I don't know what I want to do with my life. I like being an administrative assistant, but that's such a difficult field to work in these days because of the economy and it's vast suckage. I far prefer blogging and social networking (which I know you can make money from at home - but I don't know how to break into that world... I'm looking into it via hiremymom.com).

I like school, but at the same time I'M SO TIRED OF IT. And if I get into this program, I've got 2 more freaking years of it. I know 2 years isn't a long time, but it's 2 more years. At least if I get into the program I won't be able to work anymore.

Shit, maybe I should quit anyway. I'm stressed out and I want to rip every bit of my hair out. Do you know that I actually dream of going for a run, and I hate running? But I know that working out is a MAJOR source of stress relief, so I dream about running.


The Medical Imaging program director said that if I haven't received an email stating if I have or haven't made it into the program, to either call or email. Well, I called this morning and they have a recording up with something saying if you have questions about MRI, Sonography, or Mammography, call these extensions (I'm applying for X-ray/Radiography). So, of course, I had to email. This means I have to wait longer. Smart, grasshopers. very smart.


This also means I have more time to ponder... Do I really want to do the X-Ray program? Do I really want to do 2 more years of school when I've already done enough classes (85 credit hours... I'm a freaking Junior!) to have a degree in General Studies? I'm so freaking sick of school I could vomit (probably literally).


I know I'm only 28, but I want to stay at home and be with the kid(s)... and God help me, I want to have more. I want to have another baby with PK. I don't think I can do that if I go back to work. Then again, we can't afford to have another kid if I'm not working, so it's kind of a vicious cycle there isn't it?


I don't know what to do!!! Why can't God just put a flashing neon sign in front of me. "HEY MAMAKITTY! This is what you're supposed to do with you're life. And guess what! You're going to LOVE IT!!!"