Like any teenager, I had struggles with my faith, but after that initial "I'm not sure..." I've been very strong in my devotion to God. I haven't gone to church in three years, but I've always let people in my life know where my heart lies.
Except.
Lately, I've felt an emptiness that listening to KSBJ and saying a quick little prayer just doesn't fill (and keep filled) anymore.
I know that I'm battling with a bout of depression that's battling on mania. I don't want to slip back into a downphase. I screwed up on my meds when we moved because it got packed accidentally and it took me a while to adjust to being here... lame excuses for not taking my very important medication, I know, but there it is. I messed up, and now I'm battling a downphase. I'm battling with all my might.
This is a bit of a long story, so bear with me.
While I was working for the VA, I knew a girl (a fellow veteran) who was trying to get into the nursing program. She was nice and has a son who is Monkey's age. I found out that she lived (literally) right down the street from me, so we exchanged phone numbers with the thought that maybe the kids could play together. I never called her because I'm lame and have mild agoraphobia. My comfort zone is my house, so logically I could've asked them to come to my place, but PK's weird and doesn't like people that he doesn't know at the house, even if I know them. Makes things a little difficult when I need to study.
Anyway. I later had a class with this girl, and we became friends. We renewed out interest in getting the kids together, but as the class progressed, I became more stressed out because the class was so difficult. I later ended up dropping the class (sort of - long story) but before I left, I handed her an invite to Monkey's birthday party for her son. They didn't show, and I assumed we'd never see each other again.
Fast forward to last semester. I'm in my x-ray classes, and one day while I'm in the halls between classes (it's in the Health Sciences building), who should I run into but my friend! She made it into the nursing program! We see each other in the hallway often, but we never get to talk more often than "Hi, how are you doing? Classes are really hard. I've got to go to my next class. Hope the family's doing well. See you later."
After the semester and my mini-semester were both over, I ran into my friend at the bank. We talked for a few minutes, laughing because we'd never seen each other in the three years we'd lived there and been banking there, but suddenly we were seeing each other everywhere.
Two days later, we ran into each other at the store. I was on the phone with my mom and I was talking to her about how stressed out I've been feeling. My friend laughed and said, "Man! We never saw each other before and now we can't seem to stop running into each other!" I laughed and said, "Maybe God's trying to tell us something." She said, "Do you want to go to church with me?" I immediately stopped laughing, my eyes started tearing up, and I said, "Yes, I really do."
It's absolutely amazing to me how God works in our lives. MD and I knew each other through the VA, then school, and the possibility of getting our kids together. But ultimately, I think God put her in my life to get me back into church - something I've been needing for a long time. My heart is full of love for my daughter and my husband, but I need the spiritual fulfillment as well.
I'm so excited to go to church on Sunday!
